Time Keeps Passing, But It Still Feels Like Yesterday
It’s been three years.
Three years since my baby brother was run over and left to die on a dirt road in Hatfield, Massachusetts.
Three years.
That number feels heavy. It sounds like a long time. Like enough time has passed that things should feel different.
But they don’t.
Because in so many ways, it still feels like yesterday.
Time Moves Forward Whether You’re Ready or Not
The world doesn’t stop.
Days turn into weeks.
Weeks turn into months.
Months turn into years.
People go back to their routines. Life continues moving forward in ways that feel almost unnatural when you’re grieving.
And somehow, you’re expected to move with it.
To go back to work.
To show up.
To function.
To be “okay.”
But grief doesn’t follow time the way the rest of the world does.
The Expectation That Time Heals
There’s this quiet expectation that the more time that passes, the easier it gets.
That you’ll “heal.”
That you’ll find closure.
That the pain will soften into something more manageable.
But when your loss is sudden, traumatic, and completely unexpected it doesn’t work like that.
This isn’t the natural order of life.
This isn’t losing someone after a long life, surrounded by family, with time to prepare and say goodbye.
This is something else entirely.
Something abrupt. Violent. Final.
And time doesn’t undo that.
Living in Two Realities
Outwardly, three years have passed.
But internally, it can feel like you’re still standing in that moment.
Still trying to process what happened.
Still trying to make sense of something that will never make sense.
You learn how to live again but it’s a different version of living. A different version of you.
One where grief exists alongside everything else.
One where even in moments of happiness, there’s an undercurrent of loss that never fully leaves.
The Things Time Can’t Replace
There are things time will never give back.
Just laughing with Jesse.
His energy made any space feel like home.
I miss the way he would talk to me about his workouts how he was getting into bodybuilding, how proud he was of his progress. He was finding his way, figuring out his life, settling into his new job and new routines.
He was becoming who he was meant to be.
And I miss getting to witness that.
I miss the conversations we didn’t get to have.
The moments that should have happened.
The version of his life that was just beginning.
What Time Actually Does
Time doesn’t heal this kind of grief.
It teaches you how to carry it.
It teaches you how to:
- Show up even when it’s hard
- Keep going even when you don’t want to
- Hold love and loss in the same space
But the ache?
That doesn’t disappear.
Three Years Without Him
Three years of missed moments.
Missed conversations.
Missed everything.
Three years of wondering what life would look like if he were still here.
Three years of carrying him in a world that keeps moving without him.
For Anyone Who Thinks Time Fixes This
If you’ve never experienced this kind of loss, it’s hard to understand.
And that’s okay.
But what I wish people knew is this:
Time passing doesn’t mean we’re okay.
It doesn’t mean we’ve moved on.
It doesn’t mean it hurts any less.
It just means we’ve had to learn how to live without someone we love.
For Jesse
Three years later, and I still carry you with me every single day.
Not in the past.
But in everything I do moving forward.
From Jesse’s Justice
No one should have to walk through grief alone.
Through free grief resources, advocacy, education, and community support, we strive to honor Jesse’s life by helping others navigate theirs.
If this article resonated with you, please consider sharing it. You never know who may need these words today.
🖤♥️ For Jesse. For Justice.