One of the biggest misconceptions about grief is that talking about someone who has died will make the person grieving sad.
The truth?
We’re already sad.
We wake up remembering they’re gone.
We go to bed remembering they’re gone.
There isn’t a single day that I forget Jesse died.
So when someone avoids saying his name because they’re afraid they’ll remind me of what happened, I wish they knew something.
You won’t remind me that Jesse died.
I already know that.
What you’ll remind me of is that someone else remembers he lived.
After someone dies, people often become afraid to bring them up.
The conversations become quieter.
People tiptoe around the subject.
They change the topic.
They say “your brother” instead of “Jesse.”
I understand why.
No one wants to say the wrong thing.
No one wants to make someone cry.
But sometimes, avoiding the conversation makes it even more uncomfortable.
It feels like there’s a giant elephant in the room that everyone can see, but no one wants to acknowledge.
I wish people knew that I think about Jesse every single day.
There isn’t a conversation you could start that would suddenly make me remember him.
He’s already on my mind.
If anything, hearing someone else say his name reminds me that he hasn’t been forgotten.
And that means more than I can put into words.
One of Jesse’s best friends, Ginger, serves on the board of Jesse’s Justice.
He’s incredible about sharing little reminders.
Sometimes it’s a memory.
Sometimes it’s something that made him think of Jesse.
Sometimes it’s just a simple message.
Those little moments mean everything.
Not because they take my grief away.
But because they remind me that Jesse is still remembered by the people whose lives he touched.
People sometimes assume that talking about Jesse only brings me sadness.
Of course it makes me sad.
I miss my brother every single day.
But I also love talking about him.
He was one of my best friends.
I’ll never get tired of telling people about who he was.
I’ll tell the funny stories.
I’ll tell the embarrassing stories.
I’ll tell people about his easygoing personality, his contagious energy, and the way he made people feel.
I’ll tell his story for the rest of my life, even when it hurts.
Because every time I say his name, I’m reminded that his life was so much bigger than the day he died.
One of my biggest fears has always been that because Jesse died at just nineteen, people will eventually only remember him as “the kid who died.”
Not the son.
Not the brother.
Not the friend.
Just the tragedy.
That’s one of the reasons Jesse’s Justice means so much to me.
Every school presentation.
Every family we support.
Every conversation about Jesse’s Law.
Every story we share.
It’s another opportunity to remind people that Jesse lived.
That he laughed.
That he loved.
That he mattered.
And that he still matters.
When you say Jesse’s name, my heart swells.
It reminds me that he’s not just forgotten.
There is something incredibly comforting about knowing that someone else was thinking about him too.
So if someone in your life is grieving, don’t be afraid to say their loved one’s name.
Share the memory.
Tell the story.
Laugh about something they did.
Ask a question.
You don’t have to have the perfect words.
Sometimes simply saying their name is enough.
Because the hardest part isn’t remembering Jesse.
The hardest part is knowing I have to spend the rest of my life without him by my side.
Talking about him doesn’t make that reality any harder.
If anything, it makes carrying it feel just a little less lonely.
So please…
Don’t stop saying their name.
One day, those memories may be all we have left.
And hearing someone else speak them aloud is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone who is grieving.
From Jesse’s Justice
No one should have to walk through grief alone.
Through free grief resources, advocacy, education, and community support, we strive to honor Jesse’s life by helping others navigate theirs.
If this article resonated with you, please consider sharing it. You never know who may need these words today.
🖤♥️ For Jesse. For Justice.