It’s Okay That Life Doesn’t “Go Back to Normal”

There are people who love us and loved Jesse who may believe they understand what it means for life to “go on” without him. Their compassion is real, and we are grateful for it. But the truth is, our experience is different.

Going back to the way things were is simply not an option. It isn’t possible.

We are not the same people we were before, because Jesse is no longer here. While it might be tempting to say that part of who we were is gone, even those words don’t fully capture the depth of what has changed. Grief reshapes every part of life. It changes the way we experience joy, make plans, celebrate milestones, and move through ordinary days. It becomes part of who we are.

As summer unfolds, invitations to cookouts, vacations, family gatherings, and celebrations continue. These moments, which once may have brought excitement, can now feel overwhelming. They can be reminders of the person who should be there but isn’t.

If this is where you find yourself, know this:

It is okay to say no.

It is okay to tell the people you love, “I want to come, but this is hard.”

It is okay to attend something and leave early if staying becomes too much.

It is okay to not be okay.

There is no right way to carry grief, and there is no timeline for when life should feel “normal” again. The goal isn’t to return to who we once were, because that version of us no longer exists. Instead, we are learning—often one difficult day at a time—how to live with both love and loss.

We want to live as fully as we can. We truly do.

But we’re still learning what that looks like.

Some days it may mean showing up. Other days it may mean staying home. Sometimes it means laughing without guilt. Other times it means crying without apology. As time moves forward, what we need will continue to change, and that’s okay too.

If you’re walking this road, give yourself permission to be honest—with yourself and with those around you. Let people know what you need, even if what you need changes from one day to the next.

Life continues, but it is not the same life.

And neither are we.

That’s not a failure. It’s the reality of loving someone whose absence has forever changed us.