I lay awake at night
I just want to sleep
I try to think of words to what goes through my head
I can’t …images, memories, thoughts floating, broken, misaligned
I try to close my eyes feeling so exhausted
I just want to sleep
Listening to the cat purr, to the dogs deep breathing, the peepers outside
Trying to find something to comfort me
My head is aching
I want to go back to that night to have it not happen
I could have Jesse back, could have all of Jeb and Willow and Wade and myself back
Knowing I can’t
I just want to sleep
Time moves forward, life goes on
I’m still there, part of me will always be there
Life changed, part of life ended
Going on is so hard, one of my children should still be here
All of my children should still have each other
I just want to sleep
We are not as substantial in this life as we think
Like sheets of paper, covered with words and pictures, folded into cranes or boxes or crumpled
Swiped off of the desk at any second
No trace, just gone, here one minute and gone the next
I just want to sleep
Jesse’s mom – Darlene Thorpe